Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I am back

Sorry I havent posted in a few days! I had a pretty good Memorial weekend. Roy was off for 4 days :) We didn't really do much though. Addison stayed at her paw paw's this Saturday night so we were able to go rent some movies and watch with almost no interupptions! Yay! lol. Then yesterday we had a cookout at his parents. I am actually proud of myself, I stayed within points! I was so nervous that I may go over and have to dip into my weekly points but I didn't have to. Roy and I were talking about my weight loss so far last night and how I am trying so hard to stay on track. He told me I was doing a great job! He is so good at helping me stay motivated and I am very blessed to have him in my corner cheering me on! I am hoping to workout some tomorrow night too so hopefully that helps as well.

Our electricity had to be worked on today so the power went out. Addison cracked me up when she said "oh no daddy is gonna be SOAKING mad" LOL she says the craziest things. 
Sorry this is so jumbled today! I just can't seem to get a perfect train of thought going right now!

Really wanting to try doing a pilates reformer class soon to see how I like it. I tried it once for free when i was about 14 weeks pregnant with Masen, so I couldnt do all the moves. i am just wondering if i should try it now or lose a little more weight first?? Any suggestions? I think it will be good for the restoring of my abdominal muscles. C-sections are a bitch to your abs lol! I had just finally started getting them stregthened back for my c section in 07 when I got pregnant with little man. Oh well I am blessed no matter what my abs have went through I wouldnt change a thing!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Friday.

So today has been pretty good,uneventful,but good. We got the house straightened up some and finally got shelves hung in the laudry room so it won't be such a mess. I did cave in a little and eat a snickers bar. They are my weakness but I felt pretty crappy afterwards. Don't think i will be doing that again.

Addison actually helped clean up today :) But of course afterwards when her brother spit up on the floor she says " ugh, I was gonna have a party here tonight. Guess it'll have to be at my friends house now." Wow the things little ones come up with. Her imagination is just amazing sometimes. Also, while talking with her PawPaw on the phone she asked "can you take me to my party at my friends later?" Where she gets this "party" stuff from I have no idea!

Well off to make supper. Gone are the days when Friday meant chilling with friends lol. Now it means mommy may get a small break! YAY!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

This week's weigh in, dinner and kid stuff

I am very happy to say that I lost 2 lbs this week :) That makes a total of 5.6 lbs lost in two weeks. So far i am off to a great start. Now to keep it up for oh lets say a year. I now have 85 lbs to lose until i get to my pre children weight. I CAN do it. I am glad to say that I also got my 5 lb star.
My weight watcher leader also passed around what she calls "fat freddy"( think thats what she called him). Anyways it is a replica of 5 lbs of fat. It is amazing to see how much fat that is, although i dont see where i could have lost that but i know I did. I am hoping in the next 4 weeks i will make my 5% goal.

Dinner was completly unhealthy tonight. I am a little disappointed in myself but I will be okay. We went to Jack in the Box. Of course that isnt healthy but I got a kid's meal so maybe not a complete fail. I was a little ticked off that we order my burger plain then get home and everything is on it :(

Anywho- Addison seems to keep hurting her brother. She doesn't mean to but it keeps happening. It makes me worry everytime if he is okay, or if I should call the doctor.. He is only almost 4 months so still little. She has hit his head twice now and today she threw her head back during a temper tantrum without knowing he was behind her and hit his belly. I just pray he is okay. Having two is difficult.  It would be easier I think if she wasn't so wild, she has tons of energy. Plus we are going through the horrible 3's that no one warns you about. Really hoping the 4's are better, but not holding my breathe.
Masen is doing great. Though he is a huge mommy's boy. Which is great, except when mommy needs daddy to hold him or entertain him. It is funny sometimes though he can be upset but see me and he is all smiles :) melts my heart. I think a lot of this has to do with breastfeeding. I never thought i would actually make it this far on nursing.  Now i can't see how i ever even thought about giving up in the beginning. Now my goal after 6 months will be 9 then 12. I do plan to wean at one year if he hasn't self weaned already. I don't have a problem with extended breastfeeding just don't think it is for me but you never know until you get there.

Well until tomorrow. Goodnight all!

Today's weight and quote

Tonight will be my second weigh in with weight watchers. I think I am starting to get the hang of the program. Though sometimes I wish I was able to eat like I did before children, back when my weight was great.  To me the hardest part about losing weight isn't necessarliy the food restrictions. Its how slow and long the process is. We as Americans are so use to instant gratification that the time period for weight loss is just nerve wracking. I know it has to come off slow and in a healthy way I just wish it didn't take so dang long! Maybe it is because I have so MUCH to lose and i know it will be a long process. Right now my first big goal is to get back to 194 lbs, then down to 180 and so forth...

A quote I found yesterday really speaks to me now "The difference between the impossible and possible lies in a person's determination."

I am a deteremined woman. I am determined not to look this way for the rest of my life. I am determined to get healthy not only for myself but for my children. I CAN do this! My health depends on it.

To me one of the biggest downfalls of being overweight, besides the obvious, is I don't feel good about myself anymore. With every extra pound I put on I lose a little of my self confidence. So now with every pound I lose I am going to start trying to get that back.

"The difference between the impossible and possible lies in a person's determination."
Losing weight isnt impossible for me anymore because I am determined and I WILL make it possible.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Being a mother means...

10. Your body never belongs to just you again.
       As soon as you get that BFP- your body will grow a child and nourish it. Then when baby is born you will continue to nourish them.

9. You become a instant rag.
      You will be used as a spit up rag, a snot rag, the wipe your tears here rag, the food rag, and sometimes even the pee and poop rag.

8. Someone will always come before you.
    This is not bad, unless you really gotta pee.

7. Sleeping becomes a thing of the past.
     Its well worth it though when you get a sweet sleepy smile when they are infants and sweet cuddles when older.

6.  Not getting to shower everyday. Or not getting to take long showers.
       Yep I said it. Sometimes you are lucky to take a shower everyday and when you do it usually doesnt last more than 5 minutes. At least not any longer than 5 minutes of a uninterrupted shower.

5.  Knowing everyday you will smile.
     There is not a day that goes by that i can help but smile. Waking up every morning to my babies smiling faces is beautiful and always brings a smile to my face.

4.  Your house will never be spotless.
      Unless you are super mom. I am not. Its life.

3.  You will find yourself talking about things you never expected to discuss.
      Such as poop, how much, when and what it looks like.

2.  You will become a multi tasker and have different jobs.
      You learn how to talk on the phone while feeding your child and yourself. You learn to cook while coloring with your child(ren). You become teacher, referee, nurse, taxi driver, art director, personal chef, the list could go on and on.

1. That you will forever have your heart on the outside of your body and you will discover just how much you can love this one little person.
   The more children you have the bigger your heart grows full of love.

Being a mom means a lot of things some good, some unexpected, but all worth it. I can guarentee you will never feel the kind of love you feel once you become a mom. To me you feel as if you couldn't breathe anymore if something was to happen to your child. Being a mom is the most rewarding thing I will ever do in my life. It is without a doubt my biggest and proudest accomplishment.

Where I left off

I meant to finish postng last night but that didn't happen. I left off at finding out I was expecting again. I was in complete and utter shock when that test came back positive! I took 3 more just to be sure! I finally just realized there is no way i could have 4 false positives. :) I was pregnant and still grossly overweight. I was terrified of something happening to the baby, of gaining weight, of everything! My pregnancy went fairly decent. I had some major scares in the beginning. Such as pain so bad that the doctors thought I had an ectopic pregnancy. That made me realize just how much I already loved the baby and I was terrified of losing him. An to think just a few days before this I was freaking out about the whole pregnancy. I remember laying in the ER praying that everything was fine. Praying that the tests and ultrasounds would show everything was okay. The ultrasound didn't show much like I hoped. i was told it may be a baby in my womb and possibly my tubes. On ultrasound they saw a bleeding mass. It was too early for a hb i was only a mere 4 weeks pregnant.  For the next week and a half i went to the doctor to have blood drawn every few days to make sure my HCG levels went up.  I was told to take it easy until we found out. I remember the day the doctor called and told me my numbers had more than doubled! I was so happy, i had honestly been expecting the worse and I was a mess.  The next ultrasound i had showed a wonderful tiny beating heart. I was able to hear the heartbeat at 10 weeks :)

 My plan had been to exercise during pregnancy so i could stop from gaining way to much. The dr said it would be okay and great if I only gained 15-20lbs or even less. I couldnt work out because i felt dizzy when I did and started getting pains in my stomach around my c section scar when I walked. I didnt gain anything my first trimester! I thought "YES! i can do this!" I found out I was having a boy. It was a major deal! He is the first boy in 21 years on my dad's side! All through the pregnancy if i had a ultrasound i made should they would re check just to make sure! I was already in love with my little boy!  I had to have a RCS with him since i had a emergency one with Addison.  I ended my pregnancy with a total weight gain of 51 lbs :( Somehow at the end it just packed on and on and on...

I was determined to breastfeed him and try harder than what I did with Addison.  I also thought sure i can breastfeed and this weight that I regained (plus more) will just melt right off. Wrong. Again.  I actually lost about 25 then gained it back. So here I am, 4 months postpartum. I am still successfully breastfeeding,we have battled thrush and all.  I joined weight watchers on May 12th, at a weight of 230.8 lbs. I had my first weigh in on May 19th and had lost 3.6 lbs so far.

So this is where my new weight loss journey will begin.  I am still determined to lose this weight. I know I can. I was doing amazing when I lost those 33 lbs and became pregnant again. I dont regret my pregnancy at all. I have been blessed with two beautiful children.  It is no ones fault but my own that I am overweight. No one can fix it but me!  So it may be boring and no one may even read this but this is for me. I am going to try and blog about my weight loss and about being a mom at the same time. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

First Blog!

So this is my first blog. Ever. So bare with me if it doesn't dazzle. :) I am a mom to two wonderful little ones. I had my first, Addison, when i was 19, that is where my motherhood and weight  journey begins. More on that later. I had my second baby Masen in january of this year.  I decided i would try blogging to write down my weight loss journey. I am determined this time to lose weight for good and this helps me be more accountable.

I never had a weight problem until I got pregnant with Addison. I stupidly thought I would be one of the "lucky" ones that could gain a lot and lose it right after having the baby.   I. Wasn't.  I managed to gain 60lbs with her putting me at a whopping 200 lbs! Which is a TON on my 5'1 frame. I wasnt really to worried about it because I thought well i will breastfeed and lose it all. Well nursing didnt work out....  I lost down to 180 after her birth and was assured by my Dr. that the weight would just keep falling off.. He lied. Not intentionally of course but still. I somehow gained the weight back and they brought some friends.. I went to work when Addison was 3 months old, even though I didnt want to. I think this also contributed to my weight gain, since it was a desk job.  For the next  yeas my weight bounced from 180 to 211. When i went to my dr and weighed in at 211 lbs in 2009 he told me I had to make a change. He said with the way my gain had been that if i continued to gain this way I would be dead. He said i was becoming a very good candiate for gastric bypass.  I forgot to mention that I was also diagnosed with Polycystic ovaries after having my DD too. The doctor also said this contributed to my weight problem.  Anyways- I was terrified when i left the doctor that day and called my dad crying. My dad being the amazing man he is went to the gym in my town and signed me up and paid for training and everything. I was completly grateful and excited.  I went to the gym for awhile but honestly my heart wasn't in it completly like i had hoped.  I found excuses not to go after a while. Fast forward a year. It was January 2010 and my boyfriend's sister called and told me the gym was starting a 6 week class called Battle of the Bulge,similar to Biggest Loser. I knew deep down this is what i needed to motivate me. We had a team competing against the other trainers teams and our teammates counted on us to be there every week to lose weight. It was a team effort so therefore i just couldnt let my team down. For the next 6 weeks, 2 nights a week i worked out for an hour with my trainer and team. On the other days I walked with my dad. I was determined! I finally had drive! I lost 17lbs that 6 weeks. going from my high of 227 lbs to 207. Six more weeks later i lost down to 194. I was so proud of myself i was doing this! I was finally starting to feel good about myself again. Well then God blessed me with another child. I got my BFP on May 25th.  Gonna leave off here for now and pick up here later.. Time to do the mommy thing