Thursday, June 23, 2011

6-23-11

I apparently am running out of titles already.. HMM. Oh well. Today has been pretty uneventful so far. My children decided it would be a wonderful idea to wake up at 730.. I on the otherhand do not agree! I have just been so tired here lately. Masen's eating schedule is all off track so my sleeping is as well! He was almost sleeping through the night but now we are up at least twice sometimes three times. gfhbkk Masen says HI!

Addison right now is playing dress up with my clothes. Really wish I knew how to post pictures on here so I could post just how silly she looks!
My workout at the gym last night was killer! I swear if I haven't lost any this week i will be shocked! I have worked out 3x this week at the gym and am planning on starting something simple here at home in addition to the gym.  I feel like I started off strong in the beginning of  my journey and yet here i am 7 weeks in and starting to feel a little discouraged already. I guess as long as I am not gaining I will be okay. I have a small goal in mind though and it just seems so difficult to attain. I would like to have lost 30 lbs(or more) by October(that is on top of the 7 I have lost already so 37 in total). That will put me at the weight I was when I got pregnant with Masen and then I will only have 53lbs to lose to get to where I was when I got pregnant with Addison. That is a weight I am comfortable at though WW has me needing to be about 8 lbs less than that. I am hoping that by this time next year I will be where I want to be.

All this weight has really messed with me. My self esteem is just horrible because I feel horrible. I know I am not my weight but I swear I feel like I am. I feel as if people look at me and they don't see ME, they see all this weight. I hate seeing people I went to school with because the last time most of them saw me I was skinny! Some I had seen when I was pregnant but then I was pregnant so it was different. I am blessed though. Blessed that I have two beautiful children.Blessed that I have a boyfriend who loves my body this way just as much as he loved the one I had when we first got together. I was thinking the other day how sorry I feel for my boyfriend because he is stuck with "this me" and not the "old me" like he had signed up for. I felt guilty that he didn't get what I call the best of me because my body and I guess mentality has changed since we first go together and I feel as if past boyfriend's got the best and they didn't deserve that. But then I continued to think about it and came to realize, yes he doesnt have the best body me, but he does have the best ME. He has me as the mother of his children he got to help and watch me create life and raise children and make a home. He gets to see me succeed at doing the hardest thing ever. An he well he gets my heart the whole thing for the rest of our lifes. He gets me, all of me. He is the only person who knows everything about me, he is my best friend. I can tell through the whole weight gaining thing that he does love me for me and whats inside. He finds me beautiful no matter what I look like. I don't know about you but to me that is true love, unconditional love. I know deep down that I can make it through this and lose this weight. God wouldn't give me anything I can't handle. I have just shyed away from the "challenge" for too long. Time to beat this battle instead of continually fighting it over and over. I can do this for me and for my children.

This ended way longer than what I intened and way off track but I feel better getting everything out. I will check back in after weigh in tonight.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

a Day at the park..

Today was Masen's first time at the park! We all went to the park today for Addison to play with her cousin Ella. They have been trying to plan a get together for a while without letting us adults know. Addison is almost 4 and Ella is almost 5. They had talked on the phone a few weeks ago for an hour straight! That is what prompted this visit today. We had to go early because we have storms moving in this afternoon. It was fun! Addison and Ella decided they wanted to swim and thank heavens my aunt was there because that gave me and my cousin Emily a break from our girls! We both have infants though. Abbigayle(her LO) and Masen are only 2  months apart. It is amazing to be able to see the milestone differences in them. Abbi is the oldest and she is sitting some and is starting to try and crawl and is bouncing all over the place. Masen can sit when supported and does bounce just not quite as much. Its amazing to see the things he may be doing soon! I did notice he is more mellowed out than she is. He was facisnated with the swings. He was inspecting them while Abbi was bouncing and laughing! I am also happy to say i nursed in public today! its the 1st time i have done this when not sitting in the car! It was amazing! I am proud of myself for finally doing it even if it was just in the park and with a cover :) The day was great until my sweet girl had a fall. She is fine now though.
well duty calls, time to feed Masen and get ready for the gym!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Been awhile...

I cant believe I have went this long without updating! Just haven"t really had a moment to myself..  The last two weigh in haven't been great. On the June 9th weigh in I lost .4 thats it. I was okay with this though. However my birthday was June 12th and that is where things went down hill.. On the morning of June 11th I got up and went to the gym that a.m and took a Saturday class. I hadn't taken a weekend class since I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Masen. So it had been a while! I thought yes I am doing so good! Then we went and ate that afternoon for my birthday and I was starving and honestly ate really shitty... But I was okay with that since I worked out and it was for my special day even if it was a day early. I had planned on eating good on my actual birthday, that didnt happen.. I honestly ca not remember what i had eaten Sunday morning but I do know that Roy's parents wanted us to cook out. So Roy made ribs and corn on the grill. I made sure I didnt eat to much and probably only had about 9 pts used... Then I was in trouble again.. his sister had bought me a cake. Cake is my big weakness, unless it has that fake whip cream icing then I can pass. I ate a huge piece. It was bittersweet. Ha Ha. I told them I wasnt taking any home because I wouldnt be able to resist it. So what does Roy do? He brings a piece home and preceded to tell me icould have some of it or all of it if I wanted it.. >.<  I ate about half of it that night.. Then morning came and I kept eyeing it in the fridge.. I took one bite and then the next thing I know the whole thing is gone! >>.<<  OOPS! I really didnt mean to eat it all but I did. So I planned that i was definatley going to go to the Mon/Wed class at the gym and I did. Come weigh in day on Thursday i stepped on the scale terrified I was gonna weigh 2 lbs heavier and much to my surprise I only gained the .4 back! My firt gain. I am trying to not to be too discouraged and honestly am glad that was all it was because I know had I not worked out at all it would have been much more! I have also come to the conclusion that the weekend is the hardest for me. So I need to get it in gear I guess. Hoping for a better weigh in this Thursday!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Thursday June 2nd weigh in

Sorry this is a day late! Well this whole entire past week I have been worried that I wouldn't lose anything! I am pleased to say I  lost... 1.6 lbs!!!!! I was completly shocked when she handed me my card back and said good job! I have now lost a total of 7.2 lbs since May 12th! I am so proud of myself and I really hope my weight loss continues to go this well every week!

Earlier this week Masen got into the little pool with Addison. He loved the water!!! I remember when we first put Addison in water she screamed and she usually clings to you. I am hoping Masen loves the water.

We have sort of a big weekend. My baby sister graduates high school tomorrow1 I can not believe she will be done with school already and that she is 18. It just doesn't seem right. i am really curious to see how well tomorrow goes with Addison and Masen. I imagine Addison will be talking the WHOLE time and I will be trying to figure out how feeding Masen is going to work. I have yet to nurse in public, unless you count the car, and I am super nervous about it. I will probably try to pump on the way there and on the way back since we are going to eat too. This will be my first time going out to eat since joining weight watchers. We have done fast food and pizza but thats it. I have already decided I will have to plan out what I am going to eat. I guess i will have to do the same thing next weekend too since it will be my birthday and my dad always takes us out to eat..

Will definatley have to be hitting the gym more this week. In fact that is my goal for myself this week is to go to the gym more. Hopefully I can hit 8 lbs lost or more this week :)