a Day at the park..

Today was Masen's first time at the park! We all went to the park today for Addison to play with her cousin Ella. They have been trying to plan a get together for a while without letting us adults know. Addison is almost 4 and Ella is almost 5. They had talked on the phone a few weeks ago for an hour straight! That is what prompted this visit today. We had to go early because we have storms moving in this afternoon. It was fun! Addison and Ella decided they wanted to swim and thank heavens my aunt was there because that gave me and my cousin Emily a break from our girls! We both have infants though. Abbigayle(her LO) and Masen are only 2  months apart. It is amazing to be able to see the milestone differences in them. Abbi is the oldest and she is sitting some and is starting to try and crawl and is bouncing all over the place. Masen can sit when supported and does bounce just not quite as much. Its amazing to see the things he may be doing soon! I did notice he is more mellowed out than she is. He was facisnated with the swings. He was inspecting them while Abbi was bouncing and laughing! I am also happy to say i nursed in public today! its the 1st time i have done this when not sitting in the car! It was amazing! I am proud of myself for finally doing it even if it was just in the park and with a cover :) The day was great until my sweet girl had a fall. She is fine now though.
well duty calls, time to feed Masen and get ready for the gym!

This week's weigh in, dinner and kid stuff

I am very happy to say that I lost 2 lbs this week :) That makes a total of 5.6 lbs lost in two weeks. So far i am off to a great start. Now to keep it up for oh lets say a year. I now have 85 lbs to lose until i get to my pre children weight. I CAN do it. I am glad to say that I also got my 5 lb star.
My weight watcher leader also passed around what she calls "fat freddy"( think thats what she called him). Anyways it is a replica of 5 lbs of fat. It is amazing to see how much fat that is, although i dont see where i could have lost that but i know I did. I am hoping in the next 4 weeks i will make my 5% goal.

Dinner was completly unhealthy tonight. I am a little disappointed in myself but I will be okay. We went to Jack in the Box. Of course that isnt healthy but I got a kid's meal so maybe not a complete fail. I was a little ticked off that we order my burger plain then get home and everything is on it :(

Anywho- Addison seems to keep hurting her brother. She doesn't mean to but it keeps happening. It makes me worry everytime if he is okay, or if I should call the doctor.. He is only almost 4 months so still little. She has hit his head twice now and today she threw her head back during a temper tantrum without knowing he was behind her and hit his belly. I just pray he is okay. Having two is difficult.  It would be easier I think if she wasn't so wild, she has tons of energy. Plus we are going through the horrible 3's that no one warns you about. Really hoping the 4's are better, but not holding my breathe.
Masen is doing great. Though he is a huge mommy's boy. Which is great, except when mommy needs daddy to hold him or entertain him. It is funny sometimes though he can be upset but see me and he is all smiles :) melts my heart. I think a lot of this has to do with breastfeeding. I never thought i would actually make it this far on nursing.  Now i can't see how i ever even thought about giving up in the beginning. Now my goal after 6 months will be 9 then 12. I do plan to wean at one year if he hasn't self weaned already. I don't have a problem with extended breastfeeding just don't think it is for me but you never know until you get there.

Well until tomorrow. Goodnight all!

Where I left off

I meant to finish postng last night but that didn't happen. I left off at finding out I was expecting again. I was in complete and utter shock when that test came back positive! I took 3 more just to be sure! I finally just realized there is no way i could have 4 false positives. :) I was pregnant and still grossly overweight. I was terrified of something happening to the baby, of gaining weight, of everything! My pregnancy went fairly decent. I had some major scares in the beginning. Such as pain so bad that the doctors thought I had an ectopic pregnancy. That made me realize just how much I already loved the baby and I was terrified of losing him. An to think just a few days before this I was freaking out about the whole pregnancy. I remember laying in the ER praying that everything was fine. Praying that the tests and ultrasounds would show everything was okay. The ultrasound didn't show much like I hoped. i was told it may be a baby in my womb and possibly my tubes. On ultrasound they saw a bleeding mass. It was too early for a hb i was only a mere 4 weeks pregnant.  For the next week and a half i went to the doctor to have blood drawn every few days to make sure my HCG levels went up.  I was told to take it easy until we found out. I remember the day the doctor called and told me my numbers had more than doubled! I was so happy, i had honestly been expecting the worse and I was a mess.  The next ultrasound i had showed a wonderful tiny beating heart. I was able to hear the heartbeat at 10 weeks :)

 My plan had been to exercise during pregnancy so i could stop from gaining way to much. The dr said it would be okay and great if I only gained 15-20lbs or even less. I couldnt work out because i felt dizzy when I did and started getting pains in my stomach around my c section scar when I walked. I didnt gain anything my first trimester! I thought "YES! i can do this!" I found out I was having a boy. It was a major deal! He is the first boy in 21 years on my dad's side! All through the pregnancy if i had a ultrasound i made should they would re check just to make sure! I was already in love with my little boy!  I had to have a RCS with him since i had a emergency one with Addison.  I ended my pregnancy with a total weight gain of 51 lbs :( Somehow at the end it just packed on and on and on...

I was determined to breastfeed him and try harder than what I did with Addison.  I also thought sure i can breastfeed and this weight that I regained (plus more) will just melt right off. Wrong. Again.  I actually lost about 25 then gained it back. So here I am, 4 months postpartum. I am still successfully breastfeeding,we have battled thrush and all.  I joined weight watchers on May 12th, at a weight of 230.8 lbs. I had my first weigh in on May 19th and had lost 3.6 lbs so far.

So this is where my new weight loss journey will begin.  I am still determined to lose this weight. I know I can. I was doing amazing when I lost those 33 lbs and became pregnant again. I dont regret my pregnancy at all. I have been blessed with two beautiful children.  It is no ones fault but my own that I am overweight. No one can fix it but me!  So it may be boring and no one may even read this but this is for me. I am going to try and blog about my weight loss and about being a mom at the same time. Wish me luck!